Religion anyone?
September 3, 2006
You know, I don’t give a RAT’S ASS about Siti, ooops I mean DATIN Siti Nurhaliza’s wedding. *roll eyes* TV3 showed live telecasts on the 3 days celebration over the span of 3 weeks. Ok FINE show the live telecast. Apparently, some wedding is so much more news worthy than those of wars and crimes in this FREAKING earth.
And NOW they are airing the delayed telecast of the too-much-publicized-so-called-perasan-wedding-of-the-year AND CANCELING my favorite shows; The Apprentice and Medical Investigation! PLEASE LAH! What is wrong with you people!?!?
Okay, so now that I got that out of my system, let’s move on to what I want to talk about today.
How many out there are religious? I’m not, at least not lately. Why? Well, for reasons that shall not be disclosed here, I have been believing less and less on God and when I talk about God I refer to the Christianity version which before I have had a stronger faith in.
I’m not saying I totally don’t believe in God, I’m just saying my faith in Him is fading. It seems like regardless how much I pray and how much I ask for some things, they are not answered. Of course I sound like a brat now. I’m sure God has other more important things to deal with than my stupid requests. Speaking of that, another thing about this whole religion thing is that I’m finding it hard to believe that I am “good enough” for God, meaning I have doubts whether I’m worth it to have someone in the higher power watching over me. I mean, let’s face it, I’m not exactly an angel. I have my share of white lies, I lose my temper at times, I yell at people, I get impatient in traffic etc. Yes, everyone has such moments but for me I’m begining to have a hard time accepting the fact that I do all that and can STILL be accepted by the almighty power above. *points up* Yes, I also know that people have done worse things and were “forgiven” by God. That’s great for those who can forgive themselves (and I’m not being sarcastic) and all but for me it’s a personal feeling that I can’t get over with. Guilt is a very bad thing eh?
I had a little conversation with someone today when she told me she stopped going to church. My initial reaction was of shocked but slowly I totally related to how she felt and her reasons for not going to church anymore. She felt abandoned by God because her constant prayers have not been answered (which I can relate to) so she decided “Screw church”. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I chose not to affliate myself with any churches. I believe (d) in Christianity but I am not officially one. I was given a bible when I was 12 and bought my own one at 17 and read it EVERY night. Now it still sits on my bed but hardly touched. Imagine the amount of guilt I would feel if I were to stop going to church. I won’t feel guilt for not going if I don’t go in the first place, right?
I suppose it’s safe for me to say that I’ve had this feeling for a while now. I remember praying a few months ago for God to help restore my faith in Him because I had felt that I was slowly straying away from my beliefs. Anyway, I don’t know what the outcome will be from this religious/spiritual crisis. If it’s worth discussing again, I shall keep you posted.
In the mean time, do enjoy this totally non-related but funny quote that I found on a site: “I didn’t realize when I married Mr.Right his first name was ‘Always’.”