A Clueless Person's Lair

Hair removal don’ts 101 (Part 1)

May 11, 2007

Having a bad day?

Let me enlighten you with what just happened to me.

I am cursed with leg and armpit hair amongst other places. If you dont have leg or armpit hair, good for you and you’re an alien blessed. As for me, I have to go through the very often routine of getting rid of these pesky hair off my legs and armpits. Today was no different than any other. I woke up, made my breakfast and went about my morning until I look down at my legs and saw hair sticking out of my skin.

As such, I decided it was time to whipped out the hair removal cream. I applied the cream on one leg and realized the can was getting a little light for my liking. By the way, the hair removal cream is in a whipped-cream-can lookalike that you have to push down by the nuzzle to get the cream out. So when I moved on to the next leg a drop dyingly came out of the can. I’m screwed, I thought. I shook the can and there was NO sound. CRAP I’m outta hair removal cream. I pushed harder to get every single drop of cream left in the can and it still wasn’t enough. Five minutes later, I’m still trying to get more cream while the other leg goes into overtime with the cream. I’m only supposed to leave it on for 6-8 minutes. It started to burn a little.

I quickly washed it off and I have a nice hairless clean smooth leg. I look at my other leg with the little cream I had left and it started to burn a little too. I washed it off and it did nothing to the hair. Stubs of black wires hair was sticking out because I think the cream only managed to weaken the hair folicles or something. The hair just looked darker than usual.

Okay, I’ll just pull them out, I thought. Got the tweezers and yanked and “OWWWWWWWW!”. Okay…bad idea. I’ll call Rob and see if he has any ideas. I had no clue what I was thinking when I even thought to called him. Here’s how the conversation went:

R: Hello?
S: Hi honey, I have a situation here.
R: Ok…what’s wrong?
S: I ran out of hair removal cream.
R: Ok….?
S: No, I ran out of hair removal cream..
R: Ok, then go get a new one.
S: No…you don’t understand…
R: *concerned* What do you mean? What’s going on?
S: Let’s just say one leg is nice & smooth and the other is still hairy….
R: …
S: I look like a monster…
R: *starts laughing but tries to hide it*
S: You’re laughing at me!
R: No I’m not *snickers*
S: You just snickered!
R: So can I call you ‘whiskers’?
S: NOOOOOO!
R: Ummm ok *laughs hysterically*
S: -_-“
R: Then go out and get some. Make sure you wear LONG pants.
S: !!!!!! You suck!
R: *laughs more* I’m gonna blog about this.
S: NO YOU CAN’T!
R: I will. This is too good.
S: You can’t! Cos I’m going to…
R: LOL *snort*

I couldn’t shave because my razor was blunt and a little rusty. I’ll get cuts. Yes, I’ve tried it before. In the end I managed to steal find a new disposable shaver from my dad’s cupboard.

Oh yes, the whole hair removal process took place in the bathroom. I have a basket of toiletries sitting on top of the toilet tank. As I was frantically searching for alternatives to get rid of the leg hair I knocked a couple of things into the toilet. Yes, you read that right…INTO THE TOILET. Fun fun fun. SIGH Luckily the toilet was flushed and “looked” clean but I took no chances and used a glove to pick up my things and threw them out.

With all that said, this is my shopping list for the week:

1. Hair removal cream
2. Razors
3. Disposable shavers
4. Toothbrush
5. More hair removal cream

I’m left with hairy armpits. Not afraid to admit that, it’s only natural.

What a nice week I’m having.

P/S: I just got a text message from Rob. It reads: “How’s the leg crisis goin whiskers?” I’m never going to live this down…

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