Damn %$#@! cockroach!

February 5, 2008

With Chinese New Year around the corner, needless to say many of us are busy preparing for the new year which means a lot of baking, cleaning and/or shopping. I have been busy helping clean the house. It’s very dusty from the construction work done.

Anyway I was cleaning my room yesterday and decided that being the new year it would be nice to wear new clothes with new underwear. So I opened a drawer which I kept my new undies in and noticed that there were brown spots on my white bra. I scrape off what I thought it was just some form of dirt/dust for leaving anything white in a drawer for a long time. Then I flip through underneath that bra, and the following 3-4 bras all had those stains.

I was puzzled. I did not understand why my bras had stains on them. Then I flip to the bottom of the drawer itself and saw tiny specs of dark brown. What the hell are those, I thought to myself. I looked at a couple of bras, and the one that was down at the bottom of the pile had some slimey and gooey spots! WTF IT’S SOME KINDA SHIT!!!! EWW EWWW EWWW EWWW I ACCIDENTLY TOUCHED IT EWWW EWWW

And out of nowhere…

……….

……….

……….

……….

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A COCKROACH CRAWLS OUT AND SCATTERS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DRAWER, INTO MY NEW PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

KNNCCBWTF!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I yelped in surprise/disgust. It wasn’t wise to remove my stuff out of the drawer and try to catch that little bastard in my room (cos it may run and hide behind my closets or something and I won’t be able to kill catch it [for all you insect-lovers out there] and it may come and crawl into areas of my body I shall not discuss because the mental image I am putting in my head is starting to gross me out so I’m gonna stop about this now) so I took out that drawer, ran to the bathroom with it and started unpacking that drawer.

Sure enough the little bastard flies out and scatters around the bathroom until I smacked it with a slipper. No no no I did not kill it. I smacked the lower half of its body and it was paralysed from the waist(?) down [Sorry I don’t know the anatomy of the cockroach]. I grab a wad of toilet paper and picked it up and the tentacles(?) were flinging around like the little bastard was going “Weeeeeeeeee!” and mocking me for my failure to kill it.

Such a naive creature it is.

What the cockroach didn’t know was that I had other plans.

I turned on the water heater, turned the shower heater to the highest possible temperature and ran hot water on the cockroach as I held it in the toilet paper. Water was running down its tentacles, onto its face(?). The tentacles stopped flinging around like some cheerleader flinging pompoms so I stopped, thinking it was dead. Was it dead? Oh no, as soon as the water stopped those damn tentacles were at it again. So I repeated the process of running hot water on it a few more times but it didn’t die so I decided why not maximized water pressure and sprayed the little bastard til its death.

Did it work?

No it did not. As soon as the water stopped, the tentacles were at it yet again. Pissed, I turned on the tap of cold water to the max and sprayed at its face(?). At one point I could see the skin(?) flapping cos I think I saw the insides of the cockroach. That’s when I stopped and thought “Yes! I killed it!!!”

But….I didn’t. Took it away from the water and there are those %$!# tentacles again!!!!!

Since I had failed I decided…

I placed it on the floor…

Got up….

Turned away….

and…

Grabbed the slipper and went….

WHACK!!! WHACK!!! WHACK!!! WHACK!!!

Yes it finally died. Ahhhhhhhhh pure satisfaction….bliss. That will teach you to poop on my undies again!!!!

By now you must think there is something totally wrong with me mentally but if you just figured that one out, I think you’re mentally slow. HEH

Some of you might also think that it’s sickening of me to blog about this but I really don’t care what you think so there! BLEH I think it’s humorous in a very sick way but hey, at least I didn’t like pop it in a microwave and cook it or something. hey that’s not a bad idea…I should try that next time….

Honestly, at that time it wasn’t my intention to torture the little bastard. I just wanted it dead but my intelligence took a dump due to the shock of realizing a cockroach shitted all over my new undies. You can tell my IQ dropped to like -4 when I thought spraying a cockroach with water would kill it. As if water could kill it…sheesh.

I told Rob, the smartass that he is, about my cockroach “saga” and his response was:

My God honey, I’m surprised you didnt wrap it in a couple tissues and place it back in the drawer as a warning to any future cockroaches that might wander into the area.

Needless to say I’m sorta kinda maybe proud of myself.

Ummm…yeah…I’m gonna go back to cleaning my room now. Bye!

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