Drama drama drama

April 15, 2008

*Thank you to those who left your words on encouragement. I appreciate it*

I know I was probably overly dramatic in the last post, it’s not like somebody died or anything like that. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself? Yeah, I know. But I am human. I cannot help what I feel/felt. It’s hard to control emotions, especially those of sadness, anger and frustration.

Like I said, my way of escape is through writing. I do not expect any responses. I do not expect any solutions. I just wanna express myself, in my own way, in my own space. But I am thankful for the responses I got, don’t get me wrong. My absence from online chatting simply means I need time for myself. It is extremely hard to mend matters of the heart.

I don’t really know what I wanna do regarding the thesis. I spent the weekend by myself and the only time I am not alone is during dinner with the parents. I pretend nothing is bothering me. I talk like usual (at least I think so), laugh at some corny things like usual. But deep down inside there is sorrow, there is sadness. When I am alone in my room, my mind goes in circles. Different personalities in my mind argues with one another.

The quiter in me thinks of quiting this torture. The stubborness/ determination in me wants to keep going. The cynic in me wonders if I will ever finish. The dreamer in me thinks of writing a kick-ass thesis. The realist in me knows it won’t ever be kick-ass-perfect if I decide to finish it. So many me-s inside of me. I wonder which will prevail…

I will decide soon enough. In the mean time, please bear with my somber, melancholic mood.

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