Archive for December, 2008

Goodbye 2008!

December 31, 2008

I woke up today, realising what date it was. Don’t get me wrong, I know its December 31st but it suddenly hit me that today is the LAST day of 2008.

Throughout the day, even when I was at church (attending a friend’s wedding), I wondered what I should be writing about and came up with nothing other than the whole too-cheesy-corny new year’s resolution list. Looking back at my resolutions for this year, I think I’ve only accomplished a few.

2008’s Resolution

1) Graduate in August, which means finishing the thesis – FAILED miserably unfortunately

2) Be a better lover (and I don’t mean sexually you perverts) – Ermmm…I don’t think I can answer that one for myself.

3) Lose weight YEAH RIGHT – who am I kidding? – Lost a little, gain back a ton while bingeing like a freak in the States and lost a little from being sick so much.

4) Be more patient but not stupidly patient – Think I’ve been more patient than I expected I can be.

5) Stand up for myself more – SUCCESS! My greatest accomplishment is of course (figuratively speaking) bitchslapping a “friend” for being a narcissistic prick early this year.

6) Maintain a good relationship with the parents – Think I’ve been able to do that (minus the stupid little arguments but still I think I did good) so SUCCESSS!

7) Erase selfish inconsiderate people from my life – SUCCESS! Life is so much peaceful now.

8) Watch less nonsense tv, read more – 50/50. FAILED. We all know I can never stop watching Spongebob Square Pants. SUCCESS because I honestly have been reading more than I used to. Now, whether I’ve read more than I watched nonsense TV, that’s another issue that I shall refrain from discussing because you all know the answer. HEH

9) Own new gadgets – better digital camera and mp3 player – FAILED because I couldn’t make up my mind and wanted to save more money. Now my camera is going a little cuckoo on me.

10) Appreciate the simple things in life more – SUCCESS. And yes honey, I appreciate my stationary stash as well as the box of color pencils you bought me.

All in all, I guess I can say 2008 has been a year of challenges for me and in its own right has made me a stronger person. The best moments of 2008 was definitely spending 5 weeks with Rob, and enjoying life together.

I better sign off now. Rob will be coming online soon and I have a wedding reception to attend later on.

Lastly, stay safe and have Happy New Year guys!

Double whammy

December 26, 2008

Apologies for the absense. I have been sick, yes you read it right.

Been sick for a few days now. I was out and about one day, and by the late afternoon I was starting to fever a little. When night came I was shivering like it was winter in Chicago. The highest temperature I remembered getting was 39.4C or 102.9F. The next day I drove my sorry ass to the clinic.

Diagnosis: Sinus AND throat infection. Have a merry Christmas.

Basically I was in bed for 3 about days, loaded up with meds. I am feeling a bit better now, seems that the fever is gone. *cross fingers* My sinus is still bothering me, giving me the occasional between-the-eyes headaches and whatnot. I still get tired easily.

Anyway I just wanted to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year.

My foundation

December 17, 2008

Disclaimer: Blabbering ahead

Lately I’ve felt as if humans have lost their sense of goodness. With all the bad things happening, sometimes it’s quite depressing to see and worse, feel, especially when you’re in that situation itself.

I have to sadly say that I have lost faith on many people. It really is a sad thing to admit but at the same time it’s something I can not ignore. Maybe I’m becoming more of a cynic every day. People who know me personally know that I’m a pretty straightforward person. But I don’t always say what I think.

At times it’s hard to decide what to say to some people. It’s like what they’re doing is wrong and I would love to do nothing more than to give them a piece of my mind. More often than not, I don’t. I keep it to myself. Why? Because another part of me is thinking it’s none of my business. It’s not my place to be judgemental. But then again, if I don’t say anything these people will keep repeating what they’re doing wrong, and thereby hurting people around them.

It’s not like I always have to be right or that I’m being self-righteous. It’s about the principle. I play by the rules so to speak, while others get away with their wrong doings because nobody bothers to say something or because they too, are like that. In the end, guess who looks like the “evil” one?

This is where there is a clash inside my head. I know, it sounds really bad, like I’m schizophrenic or something. It’s basically like there are two personalities in me, clashing with each other, fighting their way into my mind, thereby controlling my actions and whatnot. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut and be polite and civil, even to people I truly dislike. Many times I resent myself for that. I resent not standing up, not just for myself, but the general principle of goodness. Many times I wish to give up on these people. Many times I shrug it off like it’s no big deal but deep down, it bothers me.

Just because I bite my tongue or don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. My gut feeling is rarely wrong and that’s why I always trust my gut feeling, my instinct. Plus, people like to talk and many times something slips outta their mouths. So if you think you’re so smart and I can’t figure it out, think again.

I’m not saying I’m an angel and never talk about people, we all do and I’m no exception. However, I don’t go around spreading half-truths or half-lies (however you want to see it) to make myself look good. That is very unethical and cowardly.

You’re probably thinking why not just cut ties with these people. My response to that is, I still hope. I am nostalgic of what was once a real (at least for me) friendship. At the end of the day though, I always hold on to that glimmer of hope that some day these people will be better. I don’t expect them to change, at least not for me. I just hope that they will stop destroying the relationships around them, particularly relations with me.

I’m not saying I’m oh-so-great with deeply rooted values or anything like that. I’m nowhere near perfect. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and in most cases I’ve made my peace. It’s just depressing how some people are. It’s times like this that I’m not very sure what to do or say. Again, two personalities are clashing in my mind. Which one do I listen to? My foundation feels pretty shakey right now.

I do know that I can’t change who I truly am inside, in terms of personality and whatnot, and I refuse to change my principles to cater to others especially when they are not worth it. I end this post with something Rob wrote a couple years ago for our Digital Soulmates blog. It basically discusses a lot of thing that I’ve been feeling.

“Everything from the simplest friendship, to a life long marriage, needs a solid foundation to work. It’s like building a house, you just can’t do it without a good foundation to build on. In a relationship, any relationship, from friendship on up to life long love, you need the fundamental elements.

I’m not talking about superficial things. The fundamental elements of a relationship is not “wow, she’s cute” or “he looks hot in those jeans”. The foundation begins with you. Ok, so you think someone is attractive, great, how much do you know about them? How much do you know about yourself? Are you the kind of person that you can believe in? Do you have solid fundamental values & ethics that guide you in life? Are those values & ethics morally correct? Does it make sense to have those values, does common sense back your ethics up?

Some people don’t have deeply rooted values &ethics. Some people don’t have core beliefs. Some people live a reactionary lifestyle, adopting and forsaking values & beliefs when it’s convenient to them, or helps them fit in with who they are with at the time. Too many people don’t know who they are inside. How can you share your life honestly, if you don’t know what you believe in? We all have different friends, with different interests and so on. If someone tells one friend that they believe in something, and then tells a different friend something completely to the opposite… then neither is true, and that person has lied to both friends.

Trying to gain the acceptance of others by faking to be someone you are not, is not honest. It’s not honest to you or them. Trying to be popular by claiming certain values or beliefs that you don’t truly believe in, is fake, and when those beliefs are tested, your weak foundation crumbles. Honesty, or at least simple truth, is a major part of the foundation of relationships. Without the foundation of honesty, there is nothing on which to build the trust.”

Lincoln Park Zoo, Chicago

December 13, 2008

I know I’m super late on my posts about my trip but I really don’t have a lot of time nowadays, with being sick and all. I cannot afford to spend hours looking through pictures and organising them and then resizing them and then uploading them and then pasting the html codes and then writing the post itself. So what I do is do a little bit at a time. When I get tired of working on the thesis I spend 10-15 minutes here and there to sort out the pictures.

So here’s another post about my recent trip. Go get a cookie and come back so the pictures can load up.

Lincoln Park Zoo is one of the few zoos left in the US that’s free. Since it’s free, cheapo me made it one of the things to see in downtown Chicago. Rob and I took the train downtown, got off a station which I have totally forgot the name of and walked oh, I don’t know, about 13 blocks (right honey?) to the zoo from the train statio we go off. My legs got tired even before we reached the zoo! *glares at Rob but oh-so-lovingly* :P

These are pictures taken along the hike to Lincoln Park Zoo.

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This is probably the MOST gay-est statue I have ever seen.

Eventually we reached the park that was connected to the zoo. Many trees were wrecked from a storm a few days before. Rob and I happened to catch the tail end of it while we were out shopping at the time. I think we were at Premium Outlet Stores in Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin.

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Victim of very strong winds

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The view of the city from the park

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Broken branch from lightning I pressume

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I blew a sigh a relief as we reached the zoo. The trek there was starting to make me feel like we were lost or something. Anyway, I was eager to check out the animals and seeing as it is a free zoo I didn’t have much expectations on the zoo. I was surprised at the variety of animals they had.

From lions…

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Sleeping lion

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Getting peeked at by the same lion

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I was lucky to catch feeding time for the lions.

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…to birds…

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…to camels…

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…to tigers…

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…to leopards…

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…to ducks…

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….to flamingos…

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…to seals…

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Somewhere in that pic is a seal, I swear.

…to my favourite animal…

Which would be the polar bear because it resembles someone I know….

……….

……….

……….

It’s Rob! This is basically how he looks like when he’s trying to get up for the day. He lifts his head like that, looks at me with eyes half open, sort of like peeping at me then….

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….rubs his eyes to get a clearer vision on what’s going on, accessing what day it is and then….

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….plops his head back down and goes back to sleep.

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This shows how large a polar bear’s paw is.

The zoo even allowed a “Robear” to roam around the place with a red backpack (it’s mine). HEH

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Behind the zoo itself is a little park, with lush green grass and colourful plants. It was quite a sight.

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Oh how I love the vibrant colours and fragance of lillies and it does help that they are oh-so-pretty too!

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Last but not least, more camwhoring…

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That’s it for today. Will write soon. Until then, have a great weekend everyone.

Thesis woes Part 3

December 2, 2008

Need to vent out some frustrations. If I start blabbering nonsense, my defense is the “drugs” I’m on.

I received an email from my supervisor about my conclusion chapter, which he deemed “need lots more work on”. He further said;

“Don’t be too discouraged by my comments. Look on the bright side. You are getting there… :))”

The thing is, as vain as this may sound, I was (keyword:WAS) quite happy with my conclusion chapter. I even had an original diagram that I came up with that explained the whole thesis itself. I thought it was pretty good. I was proud of it. I was proud that I could come up with something like that.

Not anymore…

Discouraged is a total understatement. Lack of confidence is also another understatement.

I’m not mad at my supervisor though. He has been nice and even emailed me several journal articles. I suppose I’m mad at myself for not doing better. I know I’m being very hard on myself but it’s not like I can blame anybody else for this bump. This thesis has been many parts of sweat and tears for me in the past 3 years. I wish to get it over and done with as soon as possible. I wish to have one very good night’s sleep. I haven’t had one since returning from my trip. I miss Rob.

The meds are making me feel like crap. BLEH

Signing out now.

Relapsed

December 1, 2008

So I thought I was getting better right? Boy, was I wrong. I actually felt a lot better for 2 days after my course of antibiotics. But then my throat started to get sore again on Friday.

By last night, I had a hard time sleeping cause I was coughing half the time and swallowing felt twice as bad as before. I didn’t want to take any chances of getting worse and once again lose precious time from sleeping or feeling floaty so I brought my ass to the doctor’s this morning.

He seemed surprised to see me. I explained that my throat felt better but two days after I was done with my medication, it started to act up again.

He looked through my chart and the first thing he asked me was “Have you been under a lot of stress lately?”

I answered, “Ermm……..yes….heh….” *paiseh (sheepish) smile*

He smiled, as if to indicate that that was the answer to my problems. He checked my temperature, which is normal (and probably the ONLY normal thing about me HAH!), throat and breathing, AND mentioned that my throat is red. I have relapsed.

And now I’m on higher doses of antibiotics, and floaty drugs meds (codeine crap) that will make me feel totally useless and like a pile of goo for the remaining of this week. I can already tell I won’t be getting much work done this week.

BLEH.

Now I’m going to go feel useless on my bed.

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