Archive for July, 2011

Mental suicide

July 27, 2011

I just returned from a work trip on Sunday and I’m still feeling tired.

I think the fatigue is mainly due to emotional drain, today especially.

On top of what has been going on, work today really stressed me out.

I suddenly felt overwhelmed with my workload and the people I have to deal with on a daily basis. The emotions going through me were so intense that I felt sick to my stomach and my back was throbbing.

Even right now my back is still sore and stomach uncomfortable. Could it be something I ate? Maybe it was. I’ll never know.

All I know is I managed to figure out that I cared too much about my work and I take things personally.

Why should I care about something if it’s not worth worrying over?
Why should I try so hard to help someone if they don’t want to even help themselves?

Now I just need to figure out how NOT to care so much.

So while I figure this all out in my head, let’s just say I’m in a state of “mental suicide”.

Red

July 18, 2011

It’s very rare that a song will make me shed tears.

This one in particular hit the tear duds nerve going into the first minute of the song.

 

This song really reminds me of someone;

 

That someone is…

 

 

 

 

Me.

I think I am just feeling sorry for myself. Head will explode soon from all the things going through my mind. And the weather is not helping either.

I digress…

Basically there is a crisis going on in my head.

So what’s a girl to do?

The damsel-in-distress in me is telling me to curl up in a fetal position and cry it out and maybe, JUST maybe things will get better.

The strong-headed-tough-bitch in me is telling me to buck up and face reality. Nothing is going to be solved by doing nothing. I have to fight for what I want because no one, NO ONE is going to just give it to me.

But what if I’m tired of fighting for something that seems to be drifting further and further away? And what if I’m tired of crying it out?

What if there is nothing I can do about anything?

I’m tired, tired of trying since nothing I’ve tried works.

The least complicated thing of this whole situation is that I’m simply, just simply….exhausted of it all.

The beast

July 17, 2011

A lonely beast treks through the woods,
Causing havoc wherever it stood.
The animals hide in fright,
Afraid that the beast will strike.

At night its eyes; bright and red
It almost seems there are horns on its head.
As ugly as this beast may seem,
All it wants is to redeem.

To redeem its long awaited path,
When will this beast be good enough?

This beast is often misunderstood,
For it is often influenced by its mood.

Creating fear
Causing tears

If only this beast can ever be tamed.

Get it right

July 17, 2011

A song from Glee which accurately describes how I feel right now, in every single word. *sigh* Life sucks some times.

What have I done
I wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do
when your good isn’t good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
My best intentions keep
making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
How many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again
With my faith shaken
I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do
when your good isn’t good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
My best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
But how many times will it take for me
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
that sometimes life isn’t fair
I sent out wish, I sent up a prayer
Then finally someone will see how much I care

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough
And all that you
touch tumbles down
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things

I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
How many times will it take
To get it right
To get it right

Greetings

July 16, 2011

Hello blog,

I’m sorry I’ve neglected you for a long time. With work and everything, I really don’t have a lot of time to pen down my thoughts. Perhaps that explains why I’ve been feeling a lot of things, most of which are just unexplainable.

I think I’ll start blogging again. I need an outlet to express the many emotions that are going through my mind these days. To sum up, I just feel lost. It’s quite a helpless feeling and I don’t it at all.

I have my good days, and I have my bad days. Maybe blogging again will help me put things into perspective. Maybe it’ll show me the right path to take once I put everything in writing.

I will post soon, I promise.

Signed,
Me

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