Archive for August, 2011

Got an office

August 20, 2011

Dear blog,

I can now officially say that now I have an office, not all to myself but I’m sharing it with someone. I suppose it’s not so bad sharing because then I won’t feel so lonely.

Been sprucing up the room this past week. Let’s just say the initial condition on the office was BLECH but I think it looks so much better now.

Will post up pictures soon.

Me.

Broken

August 9, 2011

It’s funny…

I think I’m a vocal person. Words tend to just fly out of my mouth.

Yet when I’m quiet, people around me know something is wrong.

I lost count of the number of people who asked me if I was ok.

I lost count of the number of people who told me to sleep more.

I lost count of the number of people who said I look stressed.

I lost count of the number of people who asked why I looked so sad.

It’s funny…

After so long (that’s subjective) of feeling whole,

I feel like I’m broken again…

 

 

Into pieces that I don’t think I can put back.

Judgement day

August 7, 2011

When I die and I’m at the mercy of God as to where He should send me – Heaven or Hell – I hope He knows that…

Regardless of all the nasty things I say, 99% of the time I do not mean it.
The remaining 1%, as bad as it sounds, I do mean it with all my heart.

Regardless of how impatient I am at times, there are just as many times when I’ve been patient than I ever thought I could.

Regardless of how high my expectations may be, all I want is simple.
I just want to love and be loved.

Regardless of how strong and stubborn I may seem, deep down I’m just a girl.
A girl who just wants to be good enough.

Regardless of how judgemental I am of others, I am my own worst enemy.
I put myself down more than I ever have on other people.

Regardless of how cheerful or happy I seem, inside I’m hurting.
Sometimes the pain is so unbearable, I rather find other pain that I can tolerate.

I don’t know whether I deserve to go to heaven or doomed to go to hell.

I just know that right now, I feel like I’m in hell.

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