Archive for 2012

2012 Year Ender

December 31, 2012

Yes yes, I have not written in eons so this is my obligatory year ender post.

How was my 2012?

Well, for one the world didn’t end so that’s a good thing, I guess…

Like every other year, 2012 has been filled with ups and downs. Let’s start with the ups.

  1. Rob came to visit for 3 months, March-June.
  2. We went on our first out-of-the-country trip together to Phuket and had a blast, with a brief stop in KL. Phuket was FABULOUS! Definitely wanna go back again.
  3. Bought myself my first semi-pro camera, the Olympus Pen. It’s pretty awesome!
  4. Lost some weight, although most of it was gained while Rob was here so I guess I’m back to square one. *shrug*
  5. Bought a house and it will be ready by end of 2013 or early 2014. Nothing fancy, just a simple double-storey intermediate terrace house. Damn real estate in Kuching is getting so expensive! Price went up 10k in a matter of 2 weeks. Full story on that some other time (This point is half an “up” and a “down”).
  6. It’s fun talking with Rob about what we want for the house, i.e decor, appliances etc.
  7. Finally got a computer at work so that means I don’t have to lug my laptop up 3 floors everyday.
  8. Got into the habit of going for morning walks before work when possible.

Downs:

  1. Sold my soul to the bank AKA bought a house. This means less money going to retail therapy. *sadface*
  2. Work bums me out sometimes, mainly due to the people I have to work with.
  3. Lacking weekends because it seems I’m working more on weekends these days.
  4. When I work weekends, it means I can’t sleep in as much as I used to.
  5. Issues of faith, which I shall not go into details here.
  6. Issues of spirituality…kinda related to above mentioned point.
  7. Car fixes which have amounted to almost RM1k (which this can also be an “up” because it could’ve cost me more).

That’s about all I can think of right now.

Anyhow, I’m going to head to bed before the fireworks go crazy but I think there won’t be much going on because it’s raining quite heavily right now. For that I am HAPPY!

Happy New Year and have a fantastic 2013!

 

Good enough

October 14, 2012

Being good enough…does it really exist?

For as long as I’ve lived I’ve battled the guilt of not being good enough, in every aspect of my life.

Am I a good enough daughter?
Am I a good enough girlfriend?
Am I a good enough friend?
Am I a good enough student?
Am I a good enough employee?
Am I a good enough believer?
Am I a good enough person?

But does being good enough exist?

Despite my many attempts to be good enough (or try to be), I always realized that in the end that I tend to fall short.

Is it because I’ve placed too high expectations on myself? Or is it because I think I’ve never been able to meet the expectations of others of me?

In the end, does it really matter whose expectations they are?

I mean we live in a world where humans (in general) are never satisfied with what they have. We always want more money, more things, more power, more clothes, more shoes, more popularity, more love, more looks, more spirituality, more kindness, more understanding, more patience, more talent, more faith…it goes on and on and on.

Which brings me back to my initial question…

If we are never satisfied, how can we ever be good enough for other people as well as ourselves? Are we humans doomed to chase the unattainable because there is no end to the “more…”?

And if the “more…” is out of reach, when do we or should we even stop trying to be “more…”?

If we stop trying, we’re not good enough but if we keep trying we’re not good enough either! So why bother trying when you know you’re going to get disappointed in the end?

Perhaps I am being too pessimistic/negative.

So the conclusion that can be drawn from my current deduction is simple (and I can only speak for myself);

I will never be good enough. Period.

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