Got an office
August 20, 2011
Dear blog,
I can now officially say that now I have an office, not all to myself but I’m sharing it with someone. I suppose it’s not so bad sharing because then I won’t feel so lonely.
Been sprucing up the room this past week. Let’s just say the initial condition on the office was BLECH but I think it looks so much better now.
Will post up pictures soon.
Me.
Broken
August 9, 2011
It’s funny…
I think I’m a vocal person. Words tend to just fly out of my mouth.
Yet when I’m quiet, people around me know something is wrong.
I lost count of the number of people who asked me if I was ok.
I lost count of the number of people who told me to sleep more.
I lost count of the number of people who said I look stressed.
I lost count of the number of people who asked why I looked so sad.
It’s funny…
After so long (that’s subjective) of feeling whole,
I feel like I’m broken again…
Into pieces that I don’t think I can put back.
Judgement day
August 7, 2011
When I die and I’m at the mercy of God as to where He should send me – Heaven or Hell – I hope He knows that…
Regardless of all the nasty things I say, 99% of the time I do not mean it.
The remaining 1%, as bad as it sounds, I do mean it with all my heart.
Regardless of how impatient I am at times, there are just as many times when I’ve been patient than I ever thought I could.
Regardless of how high my expectations may be, all I want is simple.
I just want to love and be loved.
Regardless of how strong and stubborn I may seem, deep down I’m just a girl.
A girl who just wants to be good enough.
Regardless of how judgemental I am of others, I am my own worst enemy.
I put myself down more than I ever have on other people.
Regardless of how cheerful or happy I seem, inside I’m hurting.
Sometimes the pain is so unbearable, I rather find other pain that I can tolerate.
I don’t know whether I deserve to go to heaven or doomed to go to hell.
I just know that right now, I feel like I’m in hell.