Tough
April 26, 2006
Tough choice made, tough week ahead. God give me strength.
Thank you for being supportive Robbie. I love you with all my heart.
Marriage anyone?
April 24, 2006
I was talking to a friend (anonymous, don’t ask for names) of mine last night and I commented that wedding dresses nowadays are very unique and not so traditional anymore. In other words, I’ve noticed that wedding dresses now are more colorful as oppose to the traditional white/ivory type. Anyway, that’s another story. The thing is when I mentioned “wedding” dresses, she lamented that she won’t be getting married anytime soon at all.
In her opinion she still had her “fun” years well ahead of her. She seems to think that marriage would be an end for her ‘social’ life. She likes her “freedom”. I would understand if one is not ready for marriage because the intensity or passion for the other isn’t quite there. But what I don’t get is the fact that if she wants her “freedom” why does she need her boyfriend? Is it because it’s better than nothing while waiting for a better one to come along? One can only wonder…
Then some of you might think, “Well it’s her life, she can do whatever she wants. Why do you bother?” The thing is, I’m not bothering that much at all about her. It’s the fact that she is not the only one with that kinda attitude nowadays. It’s quite astonishing how the world changes within decades. Now people just get married for the sake of it. Have a huge BIG ASS wedding with the whole shenanigans but in the end, get divorced. That’s quite a worrisome thought to say the least.
For me, marriage is a commitment of life. Some feel it is obligatory for the man to provide financially for his wife and children. Therefore, in most cases he must work. He should also contribute to the parenting of the children and if possible the household chores. The list goes on BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. To an extent those “shoulds” prove to be important. Marriage is a union (if you believe in sex after marriage) of 2 human beings (trying to be politically correct so as to not single out gays hehehe) and the fundamental foundation of a marriage is love. I really don’t think marriage is an end to “whatever it is that some people think it is”.
Personally, my ideal relationship would be a deep and passionate connection. This sense of intimacy is really important for me. Who needs a fling when what I want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other’s arms. To top it, SOME fairytales DO come true as do some dreams.
I’ve hoped to find my other half, that one person who can finish my sentences, someone who really ‘gets’ my inner emotions. And before I found him, I didn’t mind flying solo every now and then. That’s because deep down, I knew that being with the wrong someone is just an obstacle to being with my one-and-only. So even as you’re reading this and thinking about how to find your one-and-only, know that somewhere out there, someone is probably wondering the same thing. It’s just a matter of time.
And before any of you jump into conclusions, I would like to say “No, I’m not getting married…YET” =D Who doesn’t wanna get married and experience life together with someone you love and adore? It’s only a matter of time until *I* do but I still wouldn’t ask any of you to hold your breath. Don’t worry, if I like you, you’ll know when as I’ll send an invitation your way. *smirk*
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Moving on to a totally different topic altogether, I was at Upwell a few nights ago and I bought shoes!!! *squeal* They were on sale, honest! Upwell at Jalan Song Thian Cheok is having closing down sale and it has been going on for almost a month already. I didn’t think to go there at first because I’m not too keen on pushing and shoving with a bunch of people, snatching things on sight. But figuring that there won’t be much people going there anymore as it’s been that long, I went and I found shoes!!!
They were on 50% off so I was a happy camper. I’ve had a few pair of new shoes that my “darling” dog decided to shred into pieces so I was out of shoes to wear. The best thing about having big feet (size 7-8) is that there is almost always sizes left during sales time. *laughs maniacally* So I got 2 pairs of heels for under RM50, which I am totally happy about considering I’m so tight fisted lately. Hehehe.
On a fun note, I tried this thingy and got this:
HAHAHAHA. I’m a seductress and I didn’t even know it. Anyway, I couldn’t resist trying it out for other people I know i.e
Honey, ooops I mean Romeo, I would like some backrubs please =D
Hehehe Intense EROTIC embraces…need I say more?
LOL This is…well let’s just say, she’s got one lucky boyfriend.
Again, one lucky bf to be getting those necking 😉
AKA Allen. Worship? No comment heh
No comment as well. lol
Naugthy affections eh? Linda, have you been naughty? *wink*nudge*
It’s really fun so click on the pics and go to the website and play! =))
Quick note
April 21, 2006
Just a quick note before I head to bed. Not much to talk about at the moment. Ironically, my mind is just full of lil bits of thoughts which I think will not bear much of any value to be discussed here. Thoughts about Rob, family and friends. Lots are happening within the family; of hatred, of greed, of betrayal, of sickness.
It’s funny how one simple decision will change your entire life dramatically. It’s funny how one simple act of God can change everyone’s life. If only life was simpler. If only life was easier. If only life was fairer. If only…
Anyway, been taking pictures of sunsets lately. Will post them up eventually. I haven’t transfered those darn pictures to the laptop yet, hehe.
It’s obvious that I really have no clue what to say right now. I just beat around the bush talking about aimlessly mundane trivial things so I’m just going to stop here. It’s late anyway. Tomorrow is a new day for everyone. Goodnight~
Like a lovesick puppy
April 18, 2006
Obviously I’m still obsessed with that song. The more I listen to it the more I feel like this song was meant for me. (I know…I’m hallucinating. Lol but let’s just for a minute think this song is meant for me. Let me be a bit perasan for a while k? Heheh) And when I mean it’s meant for me, I mean it was written for me for Robbie. To prove my ‘theory’ correct, I’ll attempt to show how real this song is for me.
Let’s start with verse 1:
Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You’re sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night
Now look at that smile. It just melts my heart. And those eyes…they’re so full of expressions; of happiness, contentment and pure love. How about the kiss you ask? Well, I’m no expert in describing kisses but let’s just say when I get a kiss from those lips, it’s like the world doesn’t matter. Yes, I do miss his breath on my neck when he whispers sweet nothings close to my ear.
Chorus:
Didn’t wanna want you
Didn’t wanna need you so bad
Didn’t wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn’t wanna need you
Didn’t wanna need anyone
Now look what you’ve done
Now I can’t go on without you
I’m naked, I cant fake it.
I’m not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
I never wanted to ‘need’ anyone. In fact, I find it impossible to need someone so much. Now, after 3 years of a wonderful relationship with Rob I just feel I can’t go on without him. I know, some of you might think that’s “too much” or ridiculous. Whatever it is, it’s how I feel and I can’t hide it. Ever since he left for home, I find myself feeling incomplete without Rob. I was so happy it was almost bordering disgusting. LOL Okay, back to mushiness; He gives me the strength to keep going. I won’t die per se without Rob in my life, but my heart would just stop loving I think. I feel as if my heart was meant only for him.
Verse 2:
Your touch, your skin
Can’t believe the way you let me in
Don’t rush tonight
I need you
Like the ocean needs the tide.
The way he holds my hand, or touches my cheek and telling me I’m beautiful, or even tickle me…it just feels right. I have my share of insecurities and I never thought anyone would let me in their lives so easily. With him, it was so easy. He was so open to share his thoughts and feelings with me. It’s amazing how he let me in his life like that. At the same time, he accepted me for who I am and gave me the room I needed to grow. We never rush each other into things. We would talk about absolutely anything and everything, be it possible or now. And that’s something I love about our relationship. We can share everything like how the ocean and tide shares the water.
(chorus)
Bridge:
I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you’ve done
Now I can’t go on without you
I’m naked, I cant fake it.
I’m not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do
Growing up, I’ve always had the mentality that I can rely on no one. I had to do things for myself. I had to protect those I love, alone. I didn’t have anyone to depend on. We can only rely on our parents so much and not wanting to burden them, I took upon some problems on my own. But now, Rob is the person I go to to talk about my problems or feelings. I can rely on him in anything and I’m starting to get used to that feeling. See what you’ve done honey? =P I really never thought that it was possible for me to love anyone like this.
This is probably what my heart looks like now. All gay (not homosexual. There’s another meaning to it if you didn’t know. Check http://www.dictionary.com/) and happy and bright and shiny and pretty, just like a rainbow. =D Life is good (but would be better if I were in Robbie’s arms). And because of Robbie pictures like this are possible; A very happy smile
Robbie baby, thank you for filling my life with so much love and happiness. I never thought I could love anyone the way I do nor have I ever thought anyone could love me the way you do.
Obsessed
April 16, 2006
I’m currently obsessed with a song. It’s called “The way I do” by Marcos Hernandez. Ever since I got the song I’ve been listening to it over and over and over again, like I am right now. Hehehe The song reminds me Robbie a lot. Have you ever heard a song that you feel it was written on your behalf? Like the words used just described everything you feel about something/someone?
Anyhow, this is some of the lyrics from the song.
“The Way I do” Marcos Hernandez
Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You’re sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night
Didn’t wanna want you
Didn’t wanna need you so bad
Didn’t wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn’t wanna need you
Didn’t wanna need anyone
Now look what you’ve done
Now I can’t go on without you
I’m naked, I cant fake it.
I’m not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.
Your touch, your skin, can’t believe the way you let me in
Don’t rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.
I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you’ve done
I just melt and turn into a pile of goo when I hear that song. *drool* Speaking of which, I’m gonna go back to a pile of goo now. *sigh*
Accident!!!
April 12, 2006
Today I was about 5 inches away from getting hit by another %$#@! car. I had the bageezus scared outta me. My first thought when I saw that car inches from my side of the car was “I’M SCREWED!!! I GOT HIT.” STUPID @#$%!@#$% driver!!
I was on my way to Crowne Square for lunch and I used the Foochow Road route after Uni. So I was heading towards to the traffic light and this white Kenari was in front of me. It was a double lane way so I decided to use the left lane as there were less cars on that lane. So, I drove past this Kenari (who was on the right lane) and when I past it half way, he (DAMN YOU!) decided he wanted to use the left lane as well.
Without looking OR signaling, he decides to swerve left and almost damn near killed me! (okay, maybe that’s too melodramatic). I looked to my right and saw the front of this DAMN white Kenari just inches away hitting me, exactly on my door! My first thought was HONK like hell and stepped on the accelerator in hopes I could avoid the collision but in my mind I thought “SHIT!! I’M DOOMED!!” Seconds later, I heard nothing (except my honking) I stopped and opened my door, looked behind me and this IDIOT looked at me and then away and continued talking to his friend who was with him as if NOTHING had happened. I was PISSED FURIOUS!!!
I will admit that it was scary and I was shaking a while after that because it was THAT close. I can still remember looking to the right and seeing how close the headlights were to me. It could only be around 5-6 inches.
So people, the next time you decide to change lanes while driving, PLEASE check first to see if any cars are coming. Not only are you risking your own life, you are also risking the lives of others such as me who wants to get married, travel the world and enjoy life with her loved one. Thank you in advance.
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I just got back from dinner with my mom at the Japanese Restaurant at Crowne Square. I’m not too sure of it’s exact name. I had my favorite California Maki *DROOL*. I didn’t bring my camera so no pictures of the mouth-watering-deliciouslylooking-scrumptious food.
It was a nice dinner with my mom. We talked about things, especially those about the family. Lots of things are happening. I have a cousin getting married early next month. She decided not to have any bridesmaids or maid of honor which I was kind of glad because last year she wanted me to be one of her bridesmaids. To be honest I was excited then and was all hyped up on losing weight so I would look good in “The Dress”. Unfortunately, instead of losing weight I’ve gained some weight from when Rob was here. We ate a lot and hung out at the apartment watching TV a lot. LOL So I am kinda glad that I don’t have to do it because the last thing a beautiful bride needs is a fat girl ruining her pictures HAHAHAHAHA
But I do have a problem though. I have a dress for the wedding. It’s a light blue lacey halter dress which I bought from the last trip to Australia. It was half off for AUD$49.90 which was a very good deal for a dress like that. Since it’s a halter dress, I have one HUGE (every pun intended) problem: My HUGE FAT FLABBY like CHICKEN SKIN arms. *sighs* I seriously doubt I can make them look small in about 3 weeks so I guess I will have to make do with what I got now which is actually nothing. Hehehehe
Oh yes, another reason why I get frustrated with myself today. As said earlier I went to Uni this morning because I had a meeting with a professor. The purpose of the meeting was to distribute work among us before our class in June. He plans ahead really good. Hehe Anyway, what we had to do was choose 2 from a list of these books and read them so that we can talk about the points and contradictions and our opinions on the books. We were to choose the books we wanted to read and he’ll go get it for us. The books are :-
- Francis Fukuyama. State-building: Governance and World Order in the 21st Century
- Robert Cooper. The Breaking of Nations: Order and Chaos in the 21st Century
- Robert Caplan. The Coming of Anarchy: Shattering Dreams of the Post Cold War
- Jeffrey Sachs. The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time
- Jagdish Bhagwati. In Defense of Globalization
- Ted Fishman. China Inc: How the Rise of the Next Superpower Challenges America and the World
- Clyde Prestowitz. Three Billion New Capitalists
- Amy Chua. World on Fire
Initially I chose #1 and #7 because I felt it was related to my thesis. Professor says #1 and #7 don’t go together as they are not related to each other. Okay, fine I’ll take #6 and #7 then cause I have book #6 (I thought I was doing him a favor by mentioning that so that he doesn’t need to get me the book from the library). BUT I had to say it! I had to tell him I had the Ted Fishman book. *UGH* Professor goes “Actually #7 and #8 are a better combination. Tell you what, why don’t you do 3 books. Read Fishman, Prestowitz and Chua and we’ll talk about it when we meet for class.” I sat there DUMBFOUNDED as to what I had just done. I HAD to open my BIG FAT mouth! I practically asked for it. Sometimes I just don’t understand myself. Why do I put myself in such situations???
I know, I know. It’s reading not dancing naked across campus. Yeah, it’s not THAT bad. Actually, it’s a good thing for me if you look at it in a more optimistic way. I’ll gain more than loose…..I…think. *Wonders if I’ll be able to watch TV as oppose to reading. Bleah* But why am I not estatic then? I just can’t believe I did that to myself. I totally set myself up for it. It’s kinda funny when I think about it. Heh
I think I’ve rambled enough for today. I don’t think I’ve written a post this long in a while. Enjoy it while it lasts my “readers”. Tata
Desperate Housewives
April 11, 2006
I watched the first episode of Desperate Housewives on DVD this morning and I think it’s fair to say it’s an okay show. The first time I saw it was when I was in Australia and it was half way through the show and I totally didn’t understand what it was about and I shrugged it off as a SUCKY show. LOL
Another reason why I said it sucks (and still is in some tiny puny way) is the fact that Teri Hatcher is in it. I’m not a fan of hers even since she starred as Lois Lane in The New Adventures of Superman. I find her vain with her “I hate my perfect body” comments and her botox shots and whatnot. Actually, it’s just her “I hate my perfect body” comment that makes me a bit *roll eyes* at her if you catch my drift.
Anyhow, the show is about 5 housewives in Mysteria Lane with dark secrets and affairs and sex scandals and humping the gardener and, well, it’s all about sex for them. Come to think of it, why do most American shows put so much emphasis on sex? What is it about sex that makes it the basis of most shows if not movies?
Then, there’s this show called The OC which I’ve been hooked on ever since my cousin showed it to me on her laptop some 2 years ago. I’m totally hooked on it. I will not disclose how I get to watch it every week 4 days after it was shown in the US though. *wink* It’s a secret *shhhhhh*
Moving along, I went to uni to get reading materials for this week’s class. *joy* I have about 60pages worth of stuff to read. *yuck* BUT I have no choice but to do it because I want my Master’s Degree. It’s 4 chapters from Roger Trigg’s book “Understanding Social Science”. I better put my “thinking sociologically” cap on then. Heheh
I gotta get up early tomorrow, errrr wait, I mean today so I can do some reading and writing before I head out. I better get some sleep. Ciao!
Can’t sleep
April 10, 2006
Feeling a little mushy at the moment but shall not go into details *blah*
On a funny note, I was at Jalan Song earlier for dinner and I saw a HUGE crowd of people flocking outside the shophouses. Curiousity hit me and I went to check what was going on. Turns out, it was a bunch of Chinese men and women selling pirated DVDS at RM2 per DVD, which is FREAKINGLY cheap in my opinion. I walked passed these illegal ‘vendors’ and one of the men told me in Mandarin that his DVDs were RM1.50 (and I thought RM2 was FREAKINGLY CHEAP!). I smiled and continued on. Hehehe They only sold DVDs of Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Hongkie movies. But let’s just say my mom was having a field day. *wink*
I am currently reading “Wild Swans” by Jung Chang. So far so good. Nothing TOO interesting to report about the book other than it’s about the lives of three generations of women in her family starting with her grandmother, then her mother and finally her own life. The contrast to their three lives is quite amazing when you consider that it’s not that vast a time-frame (from 1919 – 1978). Her grandmother was brought up in traditional China when foot-binding and concubines were the norm. Her mother committed herself to Mao’s Communist party and Jung herself joined the Red Army.
It is pretty late, so I suppose I should get some sleep. I might be dropping in at Uni to get my reading materials from my pigeon hole at the office. Oh, did I mention I have my own pigeon hole for mail and notes etc? *giggles* That’s cool. I feel so “in” the crowd in the office.
Alrighty then *pfffftttttttttttttt* (in a Jim Carey kinda way) *poof*
New layout!!!
April 8, 2006
YES!!! Finally! I’ve succeeded in customizing a new layout for this blog! Been wanting to do it ever since I started it but never thought I could. It’s kinda simple actually but of course there were a few instances where I was dumbfounded on what to do. So after lots of trial and error and preview, VOILA!!
Some of you might think it’s too PINK but believe me, it was more pinkish originally. I replaced the light pinkish background with black so it looks more classy. *big grin* YAY!!! *claps* I love my new layout. Makes my blog look brand new!! *claps claps claps*
By the way, the shirt I wore in that picture was a coincidence. I didn’t plot and scheme and wore a pink shirt and have my picture taken so that I can put in the blog. =P For those who was never seen the original layout, the picture was already there before I changed the layout.
Anyway, I hope this new layout motivates me to blog on a more regular basis. I just love looking at it. *claps*squeal*drool*
I’m really tired DAMNIT!
April 6, 2006
Been busy trying to finish up a paper that was due today. I was sitting in front of my laptop from 10am yesterday until 5.30am today. The only breaks I took were to go to the bathroom and eat. That was pretty insane. By 4.30am I was already getting lightheaded. Right now, I still get a little of that feeling. One paper down, I don’t know how many more to go PLUS the actual thesis itself. Wish me luck. hahaha
I received a letter from the university the other day. It’s a progress report. My first thought was *damn* I have to complete a form, one of the sections is “Research progress. Please indicate the stage of your research project with respect to the original research plan and any problems you have faced that might cause a delay in completing it within the stipulated duration.” Huh? With respect to the original plan? What original plan? Is the original plan referring to my proposal? I guess I can only assume so. Problems I have faced that would delay my research..hmmm GEE I DON’T KNOW…hmmmmmmmmm ummmm OH YEAH, maybe it’s the fact that I’m the great PROCRASTINATOR? Yes, that could be a problem…a HUGE problem actually.
Okay, so now that I have all figured out, how do I write all of that in the report? Hmmmm, that’s something for me to think about…