Archive for April, 2008

Laptop down =(

April 27, 2008

The reason why I haven’t been blogging is that I have been busy backing up files on my laptop because I’m sending it in for repair. The wireless isn’t working.

Currently I am on my old laptop and it is driving me crazy. Why? It’s SO slow! Opening programs take ages, starting it up takes a lifetime. But I am glad I have a backup laptop. If not I would be suffering from internet withdrawal symptons. I just have to bear with it until I get my laptop back.

I got an email from HP one night, saying that my model is entitled to a service enhancement program because of some defective part on their part even though my laptop is way past the warranty period. I checked the model and serial number of laptops that are affected and mine was listed.

Reading through the symptons of problems I was glad that I was not experiencing them. Ironically the next day, wireless stopped working. Adding to that, my laptop had been locking up a lot the week before, so I decided to send it in. It is free, an extension of my warranty called a service enhancement program, at least that’s what HP says.

What bugs me though, is that when I called HP Malaysia to find out how I should go about sending in my laptop, the call center guy had no idea there was such a program. *sigh* HP really needs to update their employees, especially call center staff. Worse, this guy who I am pressuming is from India (where the call center is) was totally clueless. (Yes I know, I know. As if I am to condemn someone for being clueless :P) I had to spell my address because he had no idea how to spell Kuching or Sarawak, let alone what street. That’s how I came to the conclusion that he is in India…actually his strong Indian accent kinda gave it away. He answered the called by saying “Thankiu for colling HP. Tis is Raj speeking. How may I help yiu?” if you know what I mean.

But I am glad that HP is taking responsibily by admiting there is a defect somewhere in their manufacturing and fixing the problem for free, plus extending the warranty service. I knew I <3 HP for a good reason! Enough rambling. I’m kinda tired so I’ll stop here for now. Goodnight~


April 20, 2008

It’s been over a week since I found out that I will not be graduating this year.

I have been moping around, at times feeling sorry for myself and at the same time, doing some soul searching on what I want to do with my life. I have concluded that the one thing I love doing is writing. (Ironic considering I don’t love writing the thesis per se) I want to keep writing. I wanna write about love, relationships, friendships and just life in general. It enriches my soul and satisfies my hunger for creativity, no matter how terrible my writing can be sometimes. The Shin Yi inside of me yearns to be a writer but I know my writing isn’t good enough to sustain a life of my own.

With that said, starting next week I will get up off my lazy-moping-feeling-sorry-for-myself-ass and do what needs to be done. I fell, bruised my ego and pride, and now I am getting up on my two feet. I shall not depend on what the world or anyone will offer me nor will I expect anyone to give me my future on a serving platter. Instead I will make my future…my life the way I always dreamt it would be; being happy and complete.

It still saddens me that I won’t graduate this year but it is not the end of the world. Fine, I don’t get to graduate this year but I sure as hell will finish the thesis this year. To be completely honest, I cannot see myself quiting even though I have thought about it many many this in this past week. I even have an email written for my supervisor drafted but I didn’t click the “send” button after reading through it many times. You know how when you’re driving on the road and someone cuts you off or whatever and you just SO badly want to run them over with your car but you don’t? I suppose that’s how it is with me and the thesis. I wanna quit so badly for it has caused grief in me but I just don’t.

It may not the best thesis on earth but it will be mine. My words, my thoughts, my work. I will strive as much as I can. I will work as hard as I can and willing to because I know me. Procrastination will always prevail. I know, sad isn’t it? Heh

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers? 🙂

Perempuan Impian Malaysia

April 17, 2008

What better way to make myself feel better after a week of emotional rollercoaster than to bitch and complain about something?

Almost everyone is writing about the over-hyped first Malaysian online reality show; Malaysian Dreamgirl (MDG) or in my own Malay words; Perempuan Impian Malaysia (PIM) [Copyright 2008 ok!?!].

I have been wanting to blog about PIM since the first time I watched it but as you all know I am THAT much of a procrastinator. Am I addicted to the show? No, not at all. Do I like the show? Heck no. Do I think the show is any good? Errrr, I don’t think so. Why? Allow me to enlighten you.

My ultimate erk about the show is the name itself. It’s called Malaysian Dreamgirl, loosely translated as Perempuan Impian Malaysia. Now, had I not watch the show before my first impression on the show judging by its name would be a search for Malaysia’s Dreamgirl, as in a typical Malaysian girl competing to be every guy’s dreamgirl. I expected it to be more “The Bachelorette” like to be honest. Instead it’s about a bunch of girls getting judged if they are good enough to be models.

Yes, I’m sure most guys dream of dating models etc but not all models are beautiful, sweet, charming and likeable, all at the same time. Some models are too tall for some guys, some models are too bitchy for some guys, some models are too high-maintenance for some guys etc. Get my point? The title of the show is misleading in my humble opinion. If the producers’ main objective was to do a model search, why not just call it The Ultimate Malaysian Model Search or something corny like that. Or opt for something controvesially catchy and politically incorrect like Malaysian Bimbo Search. 😛

I didn’t like PIM the first time I watched it and so didn’t bother to follow the show. Seeing that I was going to write this bitching post, I took the liberty to watch the show again to be fair and to see if there were any improvements. Sadly, again I was reminded on why I never went back to watch it after the first time.

One. The way the show is produced and edited is rather disjointed. One minute someone is talking about another person, the next part some girl won some challenge and got a free portfolio done. Ummm hello? What challenge? And why the need to show the girls punchinig and kicking air for 2 minutes at the gym. OMG I thought I was braindead after one minute.

Two. Why the heck is there so much talking and yapping, especially with the girl and the fake accent (and you all know who I am talking about if you watch the show)??? I feel the need to fast forward all the yapping part (and I have) or bang my head on the desk hearing some of these girls speak (Refer point four). I rather see the girls in photoshoots, makeup, runways etc. And where is the argument about the stupid tometo-tomato that ended up with the infamous words PUKEEMAK? Where is the part where the 3 girls that won the challenge gone to the “once in a lifetime” go-see/modelling audition? As we Chinese say, no head no tail.

Three. Do I think any of the girls are model material? There is one though. She has the height, the body, the poise, the eloquence. Do I think she’s beautiful? Errr no, not really. She looks a bit scarey because she’s got that manly look lah. The rest are ok I suppose. I mean they are pretty/cute/beautiful/sexy/slutty etc in their “own” way but not what I personally would regard as model material. In the latest episode, note how everyone was so sad and hugging my pick when she was “almost eliminated” and the garang one was left alone. What a statement from the girls! (So mean of me to seek entertainment from others’ misfortune, I know lah)

Four. This show is broadcast on the internet which means everyone on this earth with a internet connection can watch it if they wish. Then, in order to appeal to international viewers as well, shouldn’t the participants speak English well enough to be understood? If I was an angmo and had to listen to a Ah Lian speak ermmm-mmm-Engrish or a garang (fierce) Malay girl speak Inggeris-tak-seberapa or some spoilt brat speak saya-very-the-manjalah-Manglish, why would I want to watch the show after 5 minutes of these girls talking rubbish (Refer point two)?

Five. The rest of the girls are like so gung ho against the popular blogger because she will get a lot of votes. So what? Shouldn’t you already know that, going into reality shows? There is always that “unfairness” in such a competition. Get over it lah. I’m sure the popular blogger had expected this kind of “reception” after posting about the girls in her blog. So game on girls. I do however feel that this blogger is not treated right, in the sense that she has the least exposure on the show. Her appearances often get cut, even in the latest show where the contestants were live on NTV7.

Six. I find the host a bit annoying. My reason why? I don’t have any really. Just hearing her speak make my ears want to bleed. Maybe it’s her hoarse voice? Or maybe it’s the fact that she’s only the host but rate the girls like she’s one of the judges. Even so, her opinions are always the same for every girl. Is it just me or does she tend to have better comments for the non-Chinese?

Seven. The judges. I don’t know about you but I don’t find the judges that eloquent other than the ex-Miss Malaysia. I guess asking a very popular Malaysian blogger to judge the show was a good move by the organizers as it would boost PIM’s popularity. The rest of the time I just notice the host talking like she’s the judge which, again annoys me (Please refer point six).

Bitching aside, one thing I have for the girls is the respect of joining such a show. If it were me (and let’s just pretend I can be in the show ok?) I would scream yell bitch and moan about everyone to everyone. Not to mention the clawing hair pulling catfights I would initiate. Heh but that’s just me lah. I wouldn’t have the guts nor the confidence.

I am no better than any of the girls nor do I think I have what it takes to be in the show. I mean, hello??? My body is indeed my temple and all that crap but seriously, this face, preggo-like tummy and flabby arms are not meant for the public. And don’t even get me started with my ASS. Thank you.

(Note that I have not mentioned any names. You guys will have to figure it out on your own, although I think it’s pretty obvious who is who.)

In the mean time, go vote for whoever you like if you wish (cause I think it’s a waste of money) and I hope your pick will win. Actually, I really couldn’t care less who wins. But I do hope the garang one doesn’t win. 😛

Yes I know I contradict myself very often.

Drama drama drama

April 15, 2008

*Thank you to those who left your words on encouragement. I appreciate it*

I know I was probably overly dramatic in the last post, it’s not like somebody died or anything like that. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself? Yeah, I know. But I am human. I cannot help what I feel/felt. It’s hard to control emotions, especially those of sadness, anger and frustration.

Like I said, my way of escape is through writing. I do not expect any responses. I do not expect any solutions. I just wanna express myself, in my own way, in my own space. But I am thankful for the responses I got, don’t get me wrong. My absence from online chatting simply means I need time for myself. It is extremely hard to mend matters of the heart.

I don’t really know what I wanna do regarding the thesis. I spent the weekend by myself and the only time I am not alone is during dinner with the parents. I pretend nothing is bothering me. I talk like usual (at least I think so), laugh at some corny things like usual. But deep down inside there is sorrow, there is sadness. When I am alone in my room, my mind goes in circles. Different personalities in my mind argues with one another.

The quiter in me thinks of quiting this torture. The stubborness/ determination in me wants to keep going. The cynic in me wonders if I will ever finish. The dreamer in me thinks of writing a kick-ass thesis. The realist in me knows it won’t ever be kick-ass-perfect if I decide to finish it. So many me-s inside of me. I wonder which will prevail…

I will decide soon enough. In the mean time, please bear with my somber, melancholic mood.

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April 12, 2008

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Panic attack number…I lost count

April 6, 2008

Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious triggers. Although these episodes may appear random, they are a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context, flooding the body with hormones (particularly epinephrine (adrenaline) that aid in defending itself from harm. Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person’s life. (Wikipedia)

Sometime this week I experienced yet another panic attack. As I turn off the lights to go to bed after reviewing Chapter 1, tonnes of things go through my mind; is it acceptable? where else should I elaborate more to strengthen my argument or theoretical framework or research method? will I finish this thesis in time? is the thesis good enough for a masters degree?

Self-doubt is such a bad thing.

I have no idea why I put myself through this. Perhaps I am pushing myself beyond what I can do. Perhaps my quest of perfection needs to be toned down. I don’t know.

I really do hope that my thesis is good enough.


April 4, 2008

Rob and I occasionally play Yahoo! Games and have lately gotten back in the groove of kicking each other’s ass in Canasta. Yahoo! Games now requires user to key in a randomly generated code to prevent spammers from going into game rooms and advertising cheap viagra, penis enhancements, porn etc.

Frankly speaking I think it’s annoying to have to verify the codes because many of them are so hard to read and hence the possibility of having to key in a new verification code occurs a lot on my part.

So like any other day when I go play games with Rob, I reach this page…


It’s quite small so let me enlarge where your focus should be…


Imagine where my mind went upon seeing that verification code.

If you don’t see the obvious, don’t you think “wH4nK” looks like “WHANK”?

Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Let me quote something from


1. Whank

A girl that is a whore and a skank at the same time.

“Bianca is such a whank!”

2. whank
. . . what a guy likes to do to his pud . . . usually to climax.

“Like . . . I whanked it and . . .. WOW . . . I saw STARS ! ! ! . . . AND . . . in a few minutes I can whank AGAIN!!”

In other words, it means masturbation…male masturbation.

What were the people at Yahoo! thinking, putting a note as such below…


And then asking users to verify ourselves with the code “wH4nK”.

Very serious indeed.

Happy Anniversary Robear

April 1, 2008

Today is our anniversary. By anniversary I mean my and Rob’s anniversary. Five years…


Dear Robbie,

Thank you for loving me for 5 years. Although our relationship isn’t perfect and at times (as much as I hate to admit it) I piss you off to no conceivable end, I do love you with all my heart. Despite my flaws; physically, mentally and spiritually, you still love me the way that you do. For that, I am blessed. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you and all of eternity thereafter.

Happy 5th Anniversary.

Forever yours,


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