Panic attack number…I lost count
April 6, 2008
Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious triggers. Although these episodes may appear random, they are a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context, flooding the body with hormones (particularly epinephrine (adrenaline) that aid in defending itself from harm. Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person’s life. (Wikipedia)
Sometime this week I experienced yet another panic attack. As I turn off the lights to go to bed after reviewing Chapter 1, tonnes of things go through my mind; is it acceptable? where else should I elaborate more to strengthen my argument or theoretical framework or research method? will I finish this thesis in time? is the thesis good enough for a masters degree?
Self-doubt is such a bad thing.
I have no idea why I put myself through this. Perhaps I am pushing myself beyond what I can do. Perhaps my quest of perfection needs to be toned down. I don’t know.
I really do hope that my thesis is good enough.
Polanyi oh Polanyi
March 31, 2008
I just spend the last two hours reading up on people’s summaries on Karl Polanyi’s The Great Transformation. SHOCKINGLY, I understood what I read. It’s shocking because I have his book. It’s written in 1944 and discusses self-regulating market as “nothing but a stark utopia” blah blah blah and that the state AKA government needs to intervene and regulate the market in order to maintain stability, economically and socio-politically. Holy shit! Did I just make sense? *Cue my last brain cell poofing into thin air*
Ok so back to my point of shocking-ness. I had trouble understanding his English. Seriously, why couldn’t he just said a free market system will not work long term because it is only theoretical and not practical, as opposed to his “nothing but a stark utopia”? Did this man forsee that I was going to do such a research therefore using this kind of English would result to his entertainment of me making a fool out of myself? Wait, the man is dead…never mind…
I know I’m ranting like a total bimbo but can you blame me after having go through sentences like these?
“The origins of the cataclysm lay in the utopian endeavour of economic liberalism to set up a self-regulating market system. Such a thesis seems to invest that system with almost mythical power; it implies no less than the balance of power, the gold standard, and the liberal state, those fundamentals of the civilisation of the nineteenth century, were, in the last resort, all shaped by one common matrix, the self regulating market.”
I rest my case.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
March 14, 2008
Somehow I’ve lost the motivation to blog cause stress is “motivating” me to finish my thesis. ARGHHH!!!!
Chapter 6 is almost done. Plan on emailing it in this weekend and next week I’ll start reviewing and editing previous chapters. Each chapter review will take a week…I have this plan worked out (yeah right!). I don’t know how I am going to pull it off before May hits but somehow I HAVE to do it. Wish me luck.
I miss blogging! I have tons to say but worry I’ll spend TOO much time blogging instead of burrying my head in the thesis. Even right now I’m going on a tangent. Eeep! Better sign off now.
Sorry to keep you guys out there waiting and I mean all 5 of you. LOL
Promise to blog when Chapter 6 is done!
Have a great weekend. Cheerios~~
P/S: How come stress doesn’t make me lose weight?!?!
P/S/S: I think it’s cause I indulge in my caffeine addiction to keep awake and alert. BAH!
P/S/S/S: Yes I am HYPER right now.
What a nice week…
May 26, 2007
Sorry I have not been updating much this week. Been busy with everyday stuff and working on Chapter 2. It has been a good week for me because…
- My tumy doesn’t hurt anymore!
- I got a new phone! After about two and a half years of using the same phone, I caved in and got a new one. Actually, it was my dad who bought me the phone, to be exact. It’s a Nokia N72. It’s not that popular here in Malaysia so it took me a few days to finally find it because most stores don’t have it in stock. Furthermore the color I wanted, which is PINK(!) is even more rare. I almost gave up and wanted to get a black one and then buy a pink casing for it. But Rob said I must keep looking and I found it! In his exact words,” You have to get the pink phone honey! It matches your blog!” Bleh, make me sound like such a bimbo. I LOVE MY PINK PHONE! I’ll post up pics soon.
- My mom came back from Perth bearing gifts for me! Clothes, shoes, haircare products and chocolates!!! I have new clothes. YAY! Like I mentioned before, due to my size it’s kinda hard to get clothes here in Kuching. So when I say I’m fat and have a big ass, I’m really not kidding.
- The supervisor is helping me with the scholarship application. Apparently, he had a conversation with the head of the scholarship committee and brought up my case. Guess what? Remember all that crap the dean was telling me about being not eligible to apply? Well, the dean is a lying cheating scumbag. He NEVER talked to the head of the scholarship committee. So, on Monday the supervisor asked me to give him all the relevant documents to apply and he will personally go see the dean to get his signature and if he doesn’t want to sign it, the supervisor will ask him to put in comments in the form as to why he refuses. When that’s done, supervisor will personally hand in the application to the head of the scholarship committee. So nice of him! =D
I just got back from playing badminton and I’m a little sore. Took a hot warm shower and I should work on Chapter 2. Going to bed soon though cause I have plans tomorrow morning.
Laters~~