How to make a successful librarian 101

October 8, 2007

I went to the library Saturday morning and like any normal library visit, the idiotic librarian(s) pissed me off. When I was done gathering my books, I headed to the counter to return a few books so I could borrow some more. Now *in all ah-lian-ness*, my uni is very the canggih one. We have self-check out machines to borrow books on the way out of the library. No need other people do for us one. Then hoh, why still got librarians ah? (Sorry for those who don’t get the whole Ah-Lian impersonation)

Anyway, I figured since I had to return the books at the counter, I might as well just get the books I wanna borrow checked out there, right? So upon walking towards the counter, I see BITCH librarian all horny and giggling talking to the security guard. I started to wonder if she would be interested in DOING HER JOB in the next 30 seconds.

I reached the counter and they both ignored me. Bitch librarian keeps talking. Standing for a good 10 seconds or so, I said “Excuse me” and smile. She looks up at me like I just interrupted her f******… nah too vulgar, having sex oh-so-very-intellectual-discussion about global warming or some worldly issue…YEAH RIGHT *roll eyes*. Shuffling the books around I said, “Ini return dan yang ni pinjam” (“I wanna return these and borrow these”). She takes the books I wanna return oh-so-willingly and say “Nak pinjam pergi sana mesin” (Go use the machine if you want to borrow).

%$@!!#*^ BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have borrowed books over the counter many MANY times. Many times than the number of armpit hair I have, okay maybe not…I’m just exaggerating. Bitch was probably getting all horny talking to macho security guard with a stick…the plastic stick that is, ya know those black baton that will save the library if there was some kinda terrorist attack, where did your dirty brain go to? 😛

I know, I know…you’re probably thinking “Just use the self-checkout machine next time lah!” The realistic me is agreeing with you. No point depending on horny assinines to do something as simple as sliding a book on a machine right?

But then the annoying sarcastic me wants to continue borrowing over the counter because I just can’t bear to see these A+ grade librarians sitting on their fat asses all day doing nothing and wasting their “talent”. I must, I MUST give them the chance to practice. After all, practice makes perfect right? *grin*

So let’s recap this lesson on how to be a successful librarian (or any other profession for that matter) :

  1. Sit on your ass all day.
  2. Don’t do your job.
  3. When guy with stick comes, no pun intended, giggle.
  4. Be as horny rude as possible.

I hope you all learn the art of being a librarian from today’s lesson.

P/S: No offense to all other librarians who ACTUALLY do their job.
P/P/S: Excuse the somewhat vulgarity. One word: CAFFEINE

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