January 8, 2006

After 66 days of just pure bliss, Robbie has left town. I feel like nothing will ever be the same again without him.

Whose plate of food will I steal from even though I have my own? Who will feed me curly fries after putting chili sauce on it while I drive? Who will buy me a Slurpee from 7-Eleven at 10pm? Who will make me hot cocoa every night? Who will make me smiley pancakes? Who will make me scrambled eggs with bacon?

Who will tickle me until I have to pee? Who will run across the room to tackle me when I say something smartass? Who will poke me in the sides while I drive and then say “Doosh!”? Who will make me laugh when I cry? Who will win me a stuffed toy from the carnival? Who will remind me that some symbol in a Hindu temple in town looks like Squidworth from Spongebob Squarepants? Who will I do 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzles with?

Who will kiss me good morning? Who will kiss me goodnight? Who will look into my eyes and say “I love you”? Who will hug my worries away? Who will take care of me when I’m sick? Who will push away my hair when the wind blows it onto my face? Who will I snuggle with when watching TV? Who will hold my hand when I cross a busy road? Who will kiss my tears away when I cry? Who will kiss my tears away right now?

My heart aches knowing that I can’t experience those moments for a while. I felt as if I was a complete person when he was here near me, supporting me and loving me. There was nothing I couldn’t do. Now, I feel as if something is missing.

I can’t not think about him while I’m on the road. Every single thing reminds me of him and it just tears me apart. I am still avoiding watching videos and most pictures we took together for fear I might start crying. I know I won’t feel this way forever but right now it’s all I feel. I hope and pray these feelings will go away.

I just got so used to him being around me. Now I have to start getting use to the days before he came here; chatting online everyday and webcaming. Nonetheless, I have no regrets for all the things we did and did not do while he was here.

Robbie, thank you for the most amazing 2 months of my life. I treasure the moments we shared and the memories will forever be in my heart. I yearn for the day I can look right into your eyes and tell you I love you. In the mean time, Robbie, I love you and I look forward to spending the rest of my life being with you.

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