February 11, 2006

I know lately my posts have been more on a somber mood. My moods have been depicting and influencing the way I write. Upon arriving back from Australia I’ve noticed that my moods have been a little more upbeat than the past month. I find that strange, as my trip to Sydney wasn’t one of a vacation but rather to visit an ailing aunt who has cancer. Cancer has reaped my family for the past 4 years or so. This is the 3rd aunt who has fought cancer in the family and one passed away just last July. I am not sure where this is going as I have so many wandering thoughts at the moment.

Anyway, I know the reason why I’m more upbeat upon arriving home. I was home, able to sleep on my own bed. But most of all I get to spend time with Rob, chatting everyday again. I must say while in Australia I was flooded with mixed emotions: wretchedness, sadness, anger, resentment, helplessness, hopefulness, and much more that are beyond words. So it was a great relief to be home after all that. Hopefully things will be better from now on.

I just had a discussion of sorts with 2 friends. We were just talking about what we want with life particularly in our careers. I was in a transition of wanting different careers since I was a teenager. First I wanted to be a lawyer, then a psychologist. I went on to acquire a Bachelor in Social Science, majoring in International Studies, which is nothing near what I wanted as a career. Then again, at that time I was confused and lost as to what I wanted with my life. For the past 2 years or so I’ve started to get into writing. With this blog, I realized even more how much I enjoy writing even though I’m not exceptionally good at it. I find writing soothing for the soul. It helps alleviate the feeling of over-crowdedness in my head. For someone who thinks too much like me, it really does help to write.

Of course this post seems like it’s not going anywhere because I’m just not making much sense to people reading this BUT I feel at ease now. I can express myself no matter how silly or stupid it sounds and STILL feel good about it.

I think if I read this through again tomorrow I’ll feel STUPID because it doesn’t make any sense. Heh. In the mean time I’ll just write what my heart tells me to. Maybe one day I’ll write a book. =)

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