August 24, 2007

Friendship can be a complicated thing when the other party consistently takes advantage of you. It’s especially disappointing when they take you for granted over and over again. I’ve had my experiences with people that take me for granted (Note: I did not use the word “friend” to address them). During uni years, there are those who pretend to be your “friend” in order to get a free-ride in assignments and even worse, exams.

They say friendships are invaluable. I agree, to an extent. Is it logical to spend your monthly savings on a “friend” because the saying says friendships are “invaluable”? Some say friends do not give up on each other. Is it logical to keep holding on to a friendship that tires you out mentally or worse, spiritually? If someone treats you like crap ALL THE TIME, will you continue to shower kisses on their feet? If you say “yes” well good on you for being so “nice” and “forgiving”. But if seen on a different light, the so called nice-ness and forgiveness is actually “stupidity”, no?

Everyone has a different idea of what makes a true friend but there are common denominators . For me personally, being a true friend consists of:

1) Trust

  • Trust is the most important thing in any relationship. A friend is someone you can trust. Trust takes time to develop in ANY relationship. Once a lie is told, trust will not be 100% there anymore.

2) Honesty

  • Honesty is the best policy. There are times when being too honest hurts people’s feelings. I know because I’m sure I have hurt some people’s feelings by being too straightforward. I’ve had some complaints made behind my back, I know. I’m the kind of person who says what it is the way it is. I rarely sugar-coat things. I’ve also had some “friends” that lied to me and most of the time I just forgive and forget but once you do it again and again, that’s it. I don’t need people lying to me. I’m not talking about the innocent white lies of protecting your friends’ feelings. I’m talking about conniving two-face two-timing assholes that lie to make themselves look good.

3) Appreciation

  • Appreciate your friends. Do NOT take them for granted. Don’t just assume or expect that they’ll do everything and anything for you. Just because one agrees to pay for your drink or meal once doesn’t mean that he/she will pay for it everytime. Just because one shrugs off a mistake you made doesn’t mean that he/she will shrug it off again and again and again. Just because one does not say anything doesn’t mean it’s ok to be late every single time.

4) Love

  • Above all, love your friends. If you love your friends, a lot of the stuff above will work itself out automatically. It won’t require much effort on your part because when you love your friends, you just want to do the best you can for them. I know in our society we don’t go out and proclaim our love to our friends and family but when you think about it, it’s really not the words that matter the most. It’s our actions. What we do to and for our friends will show them if you really do care and love them. “Actions speak louder than words”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that expressing your love for family and friends is less important.

So I made that list, it doesn’t mean I am a perfect friend nor person. I try my best to become the friend that I want in my life. “Treat people the way you like to be treated” pretty much says it all for me. I know I am doing something right with my friends because I have probably the longest friend I’ll ever have in my life and a new found friend who is a lot of fun to be with and maybe a handful of other good friends who appreciate me, who love me. That’s enough for me. Who says meeting new people is exciting? Hanging out with old friends is equally as exciting. I don’t need a zillion friends to show how “successful” I am socially. What’s the use of having a lot friends if these “friends” turn their backs on you in time of need?

I would be lying if I said this post was not about anyone and written as a general post. It is about some people, some people who really do not appreciate their friends, who constantly “shit” on them, who take friends for granted. If you think it’s about you, instead of sending some me hate mails or comments or lashing or bitching about me behind my back, complaining that I don’t understand or am being too straightforward, take a minute of silence, just ONE minute, and THINK. How good of a friend are YOU? If you think you’re a perfect friend, let me tell you something: No one is perfect in ANYTHING. The only thing your friends ask from you is sincerity, the same treatment you give to others that, frankly, do not deserve it at all nor appreciate.

Okay enough rambling.

P/S: I feel so much better now. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

9 responses to “Friendship”

  1. Robert says:

    VERY nice post! You get the Robbie seal of approval *STAMP*!

  2. Shin says:

    COOLIES, the Robbie seal of approval!

    Thanks honey! 😀 You’re the best

  3. Fionz says:

    VERY VERY NICE POST!!!! Cant be more than 100% agree with ya!! Some ppl just think they are”PERFECT” and when arguements arised, they just blame the other party to be not understanding and watever shit they can shit on. In fact, they are just the shit.
    Who says meeting new friends is exciting? PUH LEASE!! Yes, I admit that I love meeting new ppl, but that doesnt mean I will ditch my old friends. How exciting a friendship is depends on how much is effort is! Those ppl who think like that wont have a true friend!
    And yes, I enjoy spending my time with my quality friends, not quantity friends….
    And lastly, a big MUAHHHHHH to my quality friends!! You guys know who u r!!!

  4. Shin says:

    Very good point about quality and quantity friends. 😀

    I’m extremely happy that this post is getting some feedback. Means I’m not alone in my definition of friendship. Hehehe

  5. Robert says:

    Oh yeah…. well I say it’s a VERY VERY VERY REALLY GREAT POST! (ok, your turn fiona).

  6. ee says:

    well, for me I hate whom is not sincere in friendship…but they are not worth to make us angry or sad. Cheers, my quality friends 😉

  7. Anonymous says:

    Well.. no many understand what TRUE and REAL friend means.. though some CLAIM and REPETITIVELY CLAIM they do… when the actions are the other way round…

    QUALITY vs QUANTITY!!!!!! I’d rather have 5 friends who are true and loyal, sincere and genuine, rather than 1000 friends who cares NOT about me when I need someone to talk to.. what’s the point, right?

    The friend who I really thought was friend, wasn’t friend after all..

    While sailing through the “friendship” journey, they’ll hang on to the life saver ring-float, when the storms come and hit the boat, they’ll put on the float really QUICK,FLIP the boat if possible, before the storm hits it and everybody falls off. They’ll hang on to the boat with the life saver… adjourn to a new place for new excitement… and not looking back, if the friend who traveled through the journey with him/her was save or not…. They’ll just turn back and say, “you know how to swim waddd….” just like in real life, they’ll say, “you’ve stronger character than i do and I’m weak. Hence you know how to fix things yourself.”…. Hmmm… that’s great, isn’t it? No? HACK! If so, I’d rather live in a one man island…. you silly TUUUUUUTTT! Argh!

    Seriously… Life isn’t all about MAKING NEW FRIENDS (i know it feels good to have new friends), NOT UNLESS you can handle them (be true enough and genuine)… you can take more on board. If you can’t, don’t take more on board, find new excitement, then cause you can’t take anymore (as the boat is drowning cause of the extra loads), don’t shit on your friends and say your old friends have put on weight and causes the boat to drown (though I’m fat, i know)… but if you didn’t keep filling with the unnecessary, the journey would have been smoother….

    If you’ve not got a STRONG FOUNDATION even for yourself… how would you be able to take more on board?

    I’m sure our friend will appreciate it, if we’re being true. Even if you’ve not much to say… you don’t have to shit on people or turn stories to different directions, whilst talking to so many people. But the answer found in the end, weren’t anything else but YOU YOURSELF that’s the problematic one.

    You’re the driver of your life, why let others sit on the driver’s seat and drive it?

    We need to know our bearing, directions, when to brake, when to go… not to be determined by people around u, for goodness sake.

    When asked, why did you do such and such things…. the answer is, so and so said this leh… (yeah! very Chinese pronunciation) So and so, said that leh… so and so said, this is good… urghsss… STOP IT! DAMMIT!!! (oppss, sorry shin! I cursed!)

    I’m basically talking lots here. About Friendship and YOURSELF!

    blahhhh….. SMACK! Ok, gotta stop….. I’m going for lunch with the two coolies beans!

  8. Anonymous says:

    ai siiii arrrrr….
    my comment is the most lor sooo one… cham!!!

  9. Shin says:

    No worries about the long comment. I welcome comments with open arms! Hehehe

    I like that you pointed out about foundations. You should read one of Rob’s post (a long time ago)about it at

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