April 20, 2008

It’s been over a week since I found out that I will not be graduating this year.

I have been moping around, at times feeling sorry for myself and at the same time, doing some soul searching on what I want to do with my life. I have concluded that the one thing I love doing is writing. (Ironic considering I don’t love writing the thesis per se) I want to keep writing. I wanna write about love, relationships, friendships and just life in general. It enriches my soul and satisfies my hunger for creativity, no matter how terrible my writing can be sometimes. The Shin Yi inside of me yearns to be a writer but I know my writing isn’t good enough to sustain a life of my own.

With that said, starting next week I will get up off my lazy-moping-feeling-sorry-for-myself-ass and do what needs to be done. I fell, bruised my ego and pride, and now I am getting up on my two feet. I shall not depend on what the world or anyone will offer me nor will I expect anyone to give me my future on a serving platter. Instead I will make my future…my life the way I always dreamt it would be; being happy and complete.

It still saddens me that I won’t graduate this year but it is not the end of the world. Fine, I don’t get to graduate this year but I sure as hell will finish the thesis this year. To be completely honest, I cannot see myself quiting even though I have thought about it many many this in this past week. I even have an email written for my supervisor drafted but I didn’t click the “send” button after reading through it many times. You know how when you’re driving on the road and someone cuts you off or whatever and you just SO badly want to run them over with your car but you don’t? I suppose that’s how it is with me and the thesis. I wanna quit so badly for it has caused grief in me but I just don’t.

It may not the best thesis on earth but it will be mine. My words, my thoughts, my work. I will strive as much as I can. I will work as hard as I can and willing to because I know me. Procrastination will always prevail. I know, sad isn’t it? Heh

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers? 🙂

One response to “Rekindled”

  1. Christopher says:

    No worries! Tomorrow will be another new day! There’s always a new day. But never forget you today. Live in your present! Never give up! Malaysia Boleh!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2024 - A Clueless Person's Lair - Brought by Wordpress Themes - Designed by XHTML Valid