HELLO HELLO!!


Saturday, October 14, 2017

OMG it’s been forever since I thought to post on my blog. 

My last post was 2013?!?!

So major changes in my life since then. We got married in 2014 in a beautiful intimate ceremony at the Chicago Botanic Gardens which was a dream come true. 

Then in 2015, Rob moved over to Kuching. Before he arrived I spent the previous 4 months prepping the house for our move. Two months after his arrival here, we had a wedding reception for family and close friends. 

And now our home has become a sanctuary for stray cats. LOL. 

Anyway I thought it was important that I posted something after all these years. And since I have the WordPress app on my phone now, it should be easier to update.

That’s all for now!


2013 Year Ender


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Once again this is my obligatory year ender post…

How was my 2013?

Let’s start with the ups.

  1. I went to Chicago to visit Rob for 4 weeks. We went on a mini road trip to visit a friend of mine in Wisconsin and as always road trips with Rob are awesome fun. We are planning on another visit for me next year in April/May.
  2. ROB PROPOSED! It’s quite a story but to cut it short, he took me to the Sears/Willis Tower in downtown Chicago, got on one knee on one those sky ledges and asked me to marry him. I, of course, said YES (after face-palming from embarrassment – there were a lot of people watching us). This explains kinda why we’re planning on trip for me back to go back. Apparently  marrying a foreigner is a f*cking pain in the ass in this country so we’re thinking about getting the legal aspect of it settled there instead of going through the stupid bureaucratic bullshit here.
  3. I GOT A WEDDING DRESS! It was on sale and I scored it for USD$99! Eventually I will get around to blogging about the story behind the dress (I hope).
  4. I lost weight and gained it back and then some while visiting Rob. I came home and lost it all and then some. I’m happy to say I’m lighter than last year so I’m going to keep it up and try to lose more!
  5. The house is coming along. It has been locked for a couple of months now so I haven’t been able to visit and check out the construction as much as I used to.
  6. Added a new member to the family, Toby the Rottweiler.

Downs:

  1. Leo, my dog of almost 10 years died.
  2. Car fixes which have amounted to almost RM1k (which this can also be an “up” because it could’ve cost me more).
  3. Gotten sick more times this year than any other years I think, mostly BAD food poisoning. Like puking my brains out and high fevers kinda food poisoning.
  4. I would’ve love to save more but I didn’t so I guess that’s one thing I’m not too happy about.
  5. Work bums me out sometimes (like last year) and there seems to be more drama in the workplace. Office politics sucks!
  6. I’ve had friendships come and go, nothing I can do about it. I can’t control other people and how they behave or think.

That’s all for now!

Bye!


Quick update


Sunday, July 14, 2013

In the world of smartphones, I’ve finally realized to download the wordpress app that is allowing me to blog via my phone right now.

I’ve had a smartphone for a couple of years now. I just don’t utilize it to its full capability.

Anyway quick update on what’s going on in my life.

I visited Rob in Chicago last month and stayed there roughly a month. While I was there…he proposed!!!

That’s all I got for now, bye!


2012 Year Ender


Monday, December 31, 2012

Yes yes, I have not written in eons so this is my obligatory year ender post.

How was my 2012?

Well, for one the world didn’t end so that’s a good thing, I guess…

Like every other year, 2012 has been filled with ups and downs. Let’s start with the ups.

  1. Rob came to visit for 3 months, March-June.
  2. We went on our first out-of-the-country trip together to Phuket and had a blast, with a brief stop in KL. Phuket was FABULOUS! Definitely wanna go back again.
  3. Bought myself my first semi-pro camera, the Olympus Pen. It’s pretty awesome!
  4. Lost some weight, although most of it was gained while Rob was here so I guess I’m back to square one. *shrug*
  5. Bought a house and it will be ready by end of 2013 or early 2014. Nothing fancy, just a simple double-storey intermediate terrace house. Damn real estate in Kuching is getting so expensive! Price went up 10k in a matter of 2 weeks. Full story on that some other time (This point is half an “up” and a “down”).
  6. It’s fun talking with Rob about what we want for the house, i.e decor, appliances etc.
  7. Finally got a computer at work so that means I don’t have to lug my laptop up 3 floors everyday.
  8. Got into the habit of going for morning walks before work when possible.

Downs:

  1. Sold my soul to the bank AKA bought a house. This means less money going to retail therapy. *sadface*
  2. Work bums me out sometimes, mainly due to the people I have to work with.
  3. Lacking weekends because it seems I’m working more on weekends these days.
  4. When I work weekends, it means I can’t sleep in as much as I used to.
  5. Issues of faith, which I shall not go into details here.
  6. Issues of spirituality…kinda related to above mentioned point.
  7. Car fixes which have amounted to almost RM1k (which this can also be an “up” because it could’ve cost me more).

That’s about all I can think of right now.

Anyhow, I’m going to head to bed before the fireworks go crazy but I think there won’t be much going on because it’s raining quite heavily right now. For that I am HAPPY!

Happy New Year and have a fantastic 2013!

 


Good enough


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Being good enough…does it really exist?

For as long as I’ve lived I’ve battled the guilt of not being good enough, in every aspect of my life.

Am I a good enough daughter?
Am I a good enough girlfriend?
Am I a good enough friend?
Am I a good enough student?
Am I a good enough employee?
Am I a good enough believer?
Am I a good enough person?

But does being good enough exist?

Despite my many attempts to be good enough (or try to be), I always realized that in the end that I tend to fall short.

Is it because I’ve placed too high expectations on myself? Or is it because I think I’ve never been able to meet the expectations of others of me?

In the end, does it really matter whose expectations they are?

I mean we live in a world where humans (in general) are never satisfied with what they have. We always want more money, more things, more power, more clothes, more shoes, more popularity, more love, more looks, more spirituality, more kindness, more understanding, more patience, more talent, more faith…it goes on and on and on.

Which brings me back to my initial question…

If we are never satisfied, how can we ever be good enough for other people as well as ourselves? Are we humans doomed to chase the unattainable because there is no end to the “more…”?

And if the “more…” is out of reach, when do we or should we even stop trying to be “more…”?

If we stop trying, we’re not good enough but if we keep trying we’re not good enough either! So why bother trying when you know you’re going to get disappointed in the end?

Perhaps I am being too pessimistic/negative.

So the conclusion that can be drawn from my current deduction is simple (and I can only speak for myself);

I will never be good enough. Period.


Year ender


Saturday, December 24, 2011

So Christmas is tomorrow and we’re a a week away from 2012.

To be completely honest, I can’t wait for 2011 to be over. Other than Rob being here for the first couple months of 2011, this year has been a drag. I guess you can’t always expect things to be perfect. I digress…

Anyway my absence from the “blogging world” can be best explained by any or all of the following reasons:

  1. Work takes up most of my time, even when I’m not at work I’m at home thinking what I need to do at work the next day so blogging about it is just boring.
  2. Emotions have been running high since Rob left so instead of posting sappy mushy or unhappy sad posts, I just try to sort things on my own. Besides, there are things I rather not share with the world.
  3. When I go in to my WordPress thinking I should write a post here and there, I have nothing interesting better to say other than “Work sucks”, “People at work drive me insane”, “It’s pissing cats and dogs outside”, “Got a new phone”, “Got an office” etc. You get my drift.
  4. I don’t take as many photos as I used to so my blog posts will be boring without visual aid. (Maybe a new camera would get me motivated  :P)
  5. Even if I do take pictures, I’m just so lazy to upload them on Photobucket (which I don’t know if my account is still alive because it’s been inactive for SO long) and then attach the html codes here (which I think there should be an easier way to do that now but I’m just too lazy to find out).
  6. When I do come up with some lame post, I somehow (and this has happened more than once) accidently click a button and lose my post. No, I don’t know how it happened.

Anyhooooooo, even though I’m not blogging as much I still do read some blogs once in  while. Most of my free time is spent on Facebook so close friends and family know what I’m up to these days. I also still tweet but it’s just very random things.

I’m on leave until after the new year. I get 25 vacation days a year and to show you how work has taken a lot of my time, I have 18 days left.

I celebrated the last year in my 20s last month and I intend to have a good year ahead so here’s to a fantastic 2012!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

 


Got an office


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Dear blog,

I can now officially say that now I have an office, not all to myself but I’m sharing it with someone. I suppose it’s not so bad sharing because then I won’t feel so lonely.

Been sprucing up the room this past week. Let’s just say the initial condition on the office was BLECH but I think it looks so much better now.

Will post up pictures soon.

Me.


Broken


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It’s funny…

I think I’m a vocal person. Words tend to just fly out of my mouth.

Yet when I’m quiet, people around me know something is wrong.

I lost count of the number of people who asked me if I was ok.

I lost count of the number of people who told me to sleep more.

I lost count of the number of people who said I look stressed.

I lost count of the number of people who asked why I looked so sad.

It’s funny…

After so long (that’s subjective) of feeling whole,

I feel like I’m broken again…

 

 

Into pieces that I don’t think I can put back.


Judgement day


Sunday, August 7, 2011

When I die and I’m at the mercy of God as to where He should send me – Heaven or Hell – I hope He knows that…

Regardless of all the nasty things I say, 99% of the time I do not mean it.
The remaining 1%, as bad as it sounds, I do mean it with all my heart.

Regardless of how impatient I am at times, there are just as many times when I’ve been patient than I ever thought I could.

Regardless of how high my expectations may be, all I want is simple.
I just want to love and be loved.

Regardless of how strong and stubborn I may seem, deep down I’m just a girl.
A girl who just wants to be good enough.

Regardless of how judgemental I am of others, I am my own worst enemy.
I put myself down more than I ever have on other people.

Regardless of how cheerful or happy I seem, inside I’m hurting.
Sometimes the pain is so unbearable, I rather find other pain that I can tolerate.

I don’t know whether I deserve to go to heaven or doomed to go to hell.

I just know that right now, I feel like I’m in hell.


Mental suicide


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I just returned from a work trip on Sunday and I’m still feeling tired.

I think the fatigue is mainly due to emotional drain, today especially.

On top of what has been going on, work today really stressed me out.

I suddenly felt overwhelmed with my workload and the people I have to deal with on a daily basis. The emotions going through me were so intense that I felt sick to my stomach and my back was throbbing.

Even right now my back is still sore and stomach uncomfortable. Could it be something I ate? Maybe it was. I’ll never know.

All I know is I managed to figure out that I cared too much about my work and I take things personally.

Why should I care about something if it’s not worth worrying over?
Why should I try so hard to help someone if they don’t want to even help themselves?

Now I just need to figure out how NOT to care so much.

So while I figure this all out in my head, let’s just say I’m in a state of “mental suicide”.


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